The Longer The Wait, The Bigger The Blessing

     This is what my Dad always used to tell me throughout my 4 year long fertility struggle.  I used to hang on to these words in the back of my mind whenever I was having a tough day, surrounded by myriads of pregnant ladies, suffering through yet another baby shower or being questioned about why we were waiting so long to have children...didn't we know "it is so much easier to raise children when you are young?" 

       I know I haven't blogged since I shared the details of our birth story (has it really been nine months?!) but I thought it was time to burst back into the blogging world after receiving an especially moving card from a very close friend of mine last night.  She was congratulating me on my first real Mothers Day (so very thoughtful) and talking about how sometimes it's hard to understand God's plan especially when it requires us waiting an incredibly long time to achieve our dreams.  She went on to say that when we do realize our dreams after so much time has passed, how much sweeter it seems to be.  I instantly thought of my Dad's encouraging words "the longer the wait, the bigger the blessing."  So. True.  While this friend of mine is not struggling with infertility, she is patiently waiting to find a husband.  After her fiance suddenly called off their wedding (after 9 years of dating) she has been doing her best to move on and find that special someone.  So many of us in this community have amazing support from our loving husbands.  In the midst of our struggles, sometimes it's so easy to forget how lucky we are to have found that special someone.  We should all give our husbands/wives an extra hug tonight. 

       I couldn't possibly finish this post without updating all of you on my two loves.  First here are a few pictures of their growth from birth to 9 months : )  Better late than never I suppose.

                                                                                        

 

 

Molly

 

     You are such a sweet little girl, from you soft little voice to the gentle, careful way you explore the world.  Your first words were "da da" and boy do you light up when Daddy enters the room.  I'm pretty sure Daddy is just as smitten with you : )   You wake up happy every morning, laughing and smiling from the moment we enter your room.  You are fascinated with the large tree on your wall and always want to touch the little bird decal that "flies" so close to your crib.  You amaze me because you never have to work at doing anything for the first time.  All of the sudden you start doing something new like you have always been doing it.  You have two little teeth, you love our puppy Rudy and you think the ceiling fan is the funniest thing you have ever seen : )  You have never liked a pacifier; instead you love to suck your thumb while holding the tag on your blankie tight in your hand. 

 

 

Xander

 

     I have never seen a smile as big as yours before : )  You are always going a hundred miles an hour.  Instead of exploring one thing at a time, you use both of your hands to check out more than one thing at once.  You love to snuggle with Mommy and you ALWAYS have to have a piece of Mommy's hair tight in your fist.  You love to nap and your eyes instantly close as soon as you are snuggled next to your blankie.  You belly laugh whenever Daddy throws you in the air and you absolutely LOVE to eat.  Your arms and legs start going crazy as soon as we put you in your high chair.  Not surprisingly, your first words were "ba ba."  You too love Rudy and love to entice him to come near by sticking  your hands out for him to lick.  You are so very curious that Mommy is kind of worried for when you figure out how to crawl forward.  Surely no stone will be left unturned.     

         

My Dream Came True On July 29, 2012!

July 29, 2012

A Birth Story

Welcome to the world, Molly Grace and Alexander Michael!  Here is how you arrived...

It was a normal Sunday morning and I had just given up hope of the twins arriving early; instead I reminded myself to be patient and wait for my scheduled c-section on August 10th.  I spent the morning organizing the office (aka nesting), and talked with my Dad on the phone for a few minutes.  Jokingly, he asked if I wanted him to pray for the babies to come soon; I laughed and told him just to pray that they would arrive right when they were supposed to.  

I sat down to eat some lunch with Mr. Type B and that is when things began to happen.  I felt a strange gushing sensation and quickly ran to the bathroom.  I soon realized that my water had broken and I shouted the news to Mr. Type B.  We were both wide-eyed and excited while we frantically showered and finished packing the last minute items in our hospital bag.

The ride to the hospital was relatively calm...traffic was at a minimum and we talked about how surreal it was that we were making "the drive" to the hospital.  The hospital's ER wasted no time wheeling us up to the maternity floor where they confirmed that my water had ruptured and discovered that my blood pressure was sky high.  I was in active labor at this point (4 centimeters) and the pain of contractions began to intensify.  I didn't realize how worried the doctors/nurses were about my elevated blood pressure until they began to make plans of getting me "on the table" as soon as the current c-section was completed.  What?!  I couldn't believe how fast everything was moving.  Mr. Type B alerted our parents that they babies would probably be here within the hour and then we signed a flurry of paperwork in preparation for the surgery. 

In what seemed like minutes, I was being wheeled back to the OR and receiving my spinal.  Everything was moving so fast that I didn't really have time to be too anxious about anything...a blessing in disguise.  Before I knew it, Mr. Type B was at my side, holding my hand and waiting for the arrival of Baby A.  At 7:04 p.m., little Molly Grace as born.  Mr. Type B stood up and made the announcement and we both started crying...we had a daughter!  She weighed 4lbs, 4 ounces and was 17 3/4 inches long.  A mere minute later, Baby B was being born.  Again, Mr. Type B shouted to everyone in the OR that it was a boy!  Alexander Michael was born at 7:05 p.m., weighed 5 lbs, 5 ounces and was 17 3/4 inches long.  I couldn't believe the emotion that followed.  Mr. Type B and I had tears rolling down our cheeks and we couldn't believe the amount of love we already felt for our children.  Amazingly, neither Molly nor Alexander had to go to the NICU, a small miracle in that they were born at 36 weeks and were so small. 

We spent the next hour in recovery, in awe of our two miracles and how much God had blessed us.  Who knew He had something so great planned for us!  Our lives are changed forever!

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

First Family Photo

My Miracles

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa

Sisters

Best Day Ever

Proud Daddy

A Smorgasbord of Thoughts

Apparently I am not so good at this whole posting thing.  I thought I would be so on top of it, posting at least once a week, but it seems as though three more weeks have passed since my last post.  So I apologize now, but this post is going to be comprised of all of the random thoughts that have been flying through my head over the past couple of weeks.  On the bright side, I am actually going to post pictures in this post.  I know, write it down  :  )

• About three weeks ago, Mr. Type B and I decided it was time to trade in our ancient paper weights (ahem, cell phones) and get with the times.  So during our hunt for smart phones, the sales associate boldly asked me when I was due.  I quickly responsed with "Oh, my contract was up on my phone about 2.5 years ago."  She gave me a puzzled look and then pointed at my belly.  What?!  A complete stranger was bold enough to ask me when I was due?!  I thought this day would never come.  Mr. Type B just laughed and politely reminded me that I do indeed look very pregnant.

• About two weeks ago, a very close friend of my mom's sent us two onsies that look like this.

I was so moved when I opened the box they came in, that my eyes welled up.  It's so special to have such thoughtful people in our lives.

• I've been feeling the babies kick for quite a while now, but two fridays ago, Mr. Type B was able to feel them from the outside  :  )   I can honestly say that I have never seen the man so excited...and I've known him for 12 years!  That moment was the best I've had so far during this pregnancy, next to hearing the heart beats for the first time of course.  

• I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did something that I swore I would never do!  At least I swore I never would while experiencing three long years of crappy infertility coupled with a bagillion visits to Babies R Us for dreaded baby shower gifts.   



Well I did it and it felt good!  I felt it was only appropriate to photograph it.  See ladies, don't give up!

Keep hoping and praying and busting your butt and you'll get to experience these super corny moments too.  Although not so corny for those of us who had to jump through firery hoops to get here.

• We have finally started working on the nursery and I have been photographing our progress.  Of course we have only completed some wall art so far, but nonetheless this is a great step in the right direction.  Here are a few photos of our work in progress.

The Beginnings of a Tree



Now for the Leaves

Finished Product!

Now we just need to start building the cribs.......fingers crossed we'll be able to finish them this weekend. 

• We had a great visit with Maternal Fetal Medicine earlier this week!  Not only are the babies looking perfect, but we were able to see their faces with the help of 3D technology! It was so amazing; I can't stop staring at them : )  I've dreamt of becoming a mom for so long that it's surreal to watch all of my dreams come true right before my very own eyes.  Somebody pinch me!  

Hints of a Nursery

About one year and three months ago, we were blessed with a beautiful home with four nice sized bedrooms...great for a big, happy family.  Of course we were easily able to fill up three of the four rooms rather quickly; our master bedroom, an office and a guest room.  Then there was the dreaded, very empty, fourth bedroom.  We had plans all along of it being our future nursery so we purposely kept it empty.  Some days, when I was feeling hopeful, I would keep the door open and gaze in at the empty room, dreaming of a nursery.  But most days, the door was pulled shut, to save me from any extra heartache...I was haunted enough by our countless failed attempts at having a baby. 

I know I've mentioned this in almost every one of my posts, but I still feel like I'm living in a dream.  Are there really hints of a nursery in my home??  I swear I'm an outsider watching someone else's life, like you would a movie, but then again, maybe this is really happening to me!  Furniture has begun to trickle in, bags of baby clothes have managed to find their way in the door (thanks to my amazing mother-in-law), and now the decorations I've been anxiously awaiting have arrived.  I can't believe the emotion I feel just by entering the...dare I say it....nursery.  I am bursting at the seems with excitement!  I can not wait to start building the cribs (rather watching my hubby build them, haha) and putting my creativity to work through decoration.   

I just can't believe how faithful God has been by answering our prayers and allowing our dreams to come true...I am blown away each time I think about it.

I will be sure to take pictures as the nursery progresses and I will post them soon.     

Doctor's Orders

I have always been a bit on the smaller side; okay a lot on the smaller side....short, petite, late bloomer, you get the picture.  So it doesn't surprise me in the least that I am on the smaller side for being 18 weeks with twins.  To date I have gained a whopping 8 pounds.  My belly has certainly made a grand entrance, but when I saw the doctor last week, she was not impressed with my weight.  In fact, she told me that I need to seriously increase my calorie intake.  I explained to the doctor that I am eating a lot (believe me, this girl can eat), but that I just haven't gained a lot of weight....yet.  She told me that while it's great to eat healthy, it's also okay to splurge once in a while.  She even suggested enjoying a milkshake every evening.  Got to admit I loved hearing that : )  The goal is to gain 30 some pounds by week 28...yikes!  That gives me a short 10 weeks to gain a considerable amount of weight.  I can do it, right?  These babies are growing like mad, so eventually they will begin to add to my weight gain all on their own.  All of you moms out there are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "don't worry, you'll gain the weight." 

I am beginning to feel great these days : )  The morning sickness I was experiencing in the evenings has all but gone for good (I hope) and I actually had some energy this past weekend to do some much needed cleaning and organizing in the house.  The type A in me was thrilled, haha.  This weekend we will heading out to buy some nursery furniture...craziness!  I feel like everything is moving so quickly now and these babies will be here before I know it.  Can't wait to be a mom!        

PURE HAPPINESS...with a little bit of worry

I am 16 weeks pregnant today and it all still feels like a dream.  I have never felt so content, blessed, excited for what the future holds and just genuinely happy as I do right now.  My belly is really starting to pop out and I am holding my breath for those first movements.  Or have I already felt them?  Being that I've never done this before, I don't if I have just been gassy or if I am actually feeling my babies move. 

Things have been moving along quite uneventfully so far, other than some nagging nausea in the evenings (which I refuse to complain about).  However, this past Sunday and Monday I experienced some pretty uncomfortable cramping very low in my abdomen.  While I didn't have any spotting, I decided to play it safe and call my doctor.  She seemed to think my cramping was a result of a urinary track infection, but after a quick urinalysis yesterday afternoon, we discovered that I don't have any kind of infection.  Doc thinks that perhaps I am experiencing bladder spasms or that my uterus is simply expanding which can cause uncomfortable cramping.  Fortunately, my cramping is pretty much nonexistent today so the doctor doesn't feel the need to see me until my next scheduled appointment...a week from today.  I know I shouldn't worry; it is most likely one of the many growing pains associated with pregnancy.  But I am still worried.  Because that is what I do. 

Due to all of the close monitoring we received during the first trimester, I think I got a little spoiled with all of the frequent, aka reassuring, ultrasounds we had.  Now we have to wait a whole month in between ultrasounds and it feels like an eternity.  Wow I sound like a complainer.  I need to take a deep breath, trust that everything is fine, and enjoy these wonderful miracles.                   

Out Of Body Experience

That's exactly how I feel so far.  Every time someone asks me how I am feeling, comments on my tiny baby bump or shrieks with excitement when they find out I have been blessed with twins, I still can't believe we are discussing little ol me.  I guess that's what infertility does to ones psyche.  Mr. Type B continues to encourage me to enjoy every second of being pregnant, and believe me the invite to eternal pregnancy bliss is quite enticing, but the fear of somehow failing again keeps creeping in.

I know there are several other pregnant infertiles out there, so tell me, will there ever come a time when I'll be bold enough to throw the heartache and trepidation out the window and fully embrace the incredible miracle of life? 

Please don't misinterpret this post as being even the least bit ungrateful; that couldn't be any further from the truth.  I am still in awe over the fact that I have life growing inside of me.  I feel so loved by God, that even after all of this time and all of my doubting, it was part of His plan all along to make me a mother.  Incredible. 

I hope many of you join me on my journey to one of the best blessings this life has to offer.  It is my desire to bring a renewed sense of calm and encouragement to all of you who are still on your journey to that coveted positive pregnancy test (I was that person not too long ago).  And to discuss all of the crazy emotions associated with pregnancy and motherhood with all of you who are in my shoes or are lucky enough to already be cradling a miracle(s) in your arms.