Hints of a Nursery

About one year and three months ago, we were blessed with a beautiful home with four nice sized bedrooms...great for a big, happy family.  Of course we were easily able to fill up three of the four rooms rather quickly; our master bedroom, an office and a guest room.  Then there was the dreaded, very empty, fourth bedroom.  We had plans all along of it being our future nursery so we purposely kept it empty.  Some days, when I was feeling hopeful, I would keep the door open and gaze in at the empty room, dreaming of a nursery.  But most days, the door was pulled shut, to save me from any extra heartache...I was haunted enough by our countless failed attempts at having a baby. 

I know I've mentioned this in almost every one of my posts, but I still feel like I'm living in a dream.  Are there really hints of a nursery in my home??  I swear I'm an outsider watching someone else's life, like you would a movie, but then again, maybe this is really happening to me!  Furniture has begun to trickle in, bags of baby clothes have managed to find their way in the door (thanks to my amazing mother-in-law), and now the decorations I've been anxiously awaiting have arrived.  I can't believe the emotion I feel just by entering the...dare I say it....nursery.  I am bursting at the seems with excitement!  I can not wait to start building the cribs (rather watching my hubby build them, haha) and putting my creativity to work through decoration.   

I just can't believe how faithful God has been by answering our prayers and allowing our dreams to come true...I am blown away each time I think about it.

I will be sure to take pictures as the nursery progresses and I will post them soon.     

Doctor's Orders

I have always been a bit on the smaller side; okay a lot on the smaller side....short, petite, late bloomer, you get the picture.  So it doesn't surprise me in the least that I am on the smaller side for being 18 weeks with twins.  To date I have gained a whopping 8 pounds.  My belly has certainly made a grand entrance, but when I saw the doctor last week, she was not impressed with my weight.  In fact, she told me that I need to seriously increase my calorie intake.  I explained to the doctor that I am eating a lot (believe me, this girl can eat), but that I just haven't gained a lot of weight....yet.  She told me that while it's great to eat healthy, it's also okay to splurge once in a while.  She even suggested enjoying a milkshake every evening.  Got to admit I loved hearing that : )  The goal is to gain 30 some pounds by week 28...yikes!  That gives me a short 10 weeks to gain a considerable amount of weight.  I can do it, right?  These babies are growing like mad, so eventually they will begin to add to my weight gain all on their own.  All of you moms out there are probably rolling your eyes thinking, "don't worry, you'll gain the weight." 

I am beginning to feel great these days : )  The morning sickness I was experiencing in the evenings has all but gone for good (I hope) and I actually had some energy this past weekend to do some much needed cleaning and organizing in the house.  The type A in me was thrilled, haha.  This weekend we will heading out to buy some nursery furniture...craziness!  I feel like everything is moving so quickly now and these babies will be here before I know it.  Can't wait to be a mom!        

PURE HAPPINESS...with a little bit of worry

I am 16 weeks pregnant today and it all still feels like a dream.  I have never felt so content, blessed, excited for what the future holds and just genuinely happy as I do right now.  My belly is really starting to pop out and I am holding my breath for those first movements.  Or have I already felt them?  Being that I've never done this before, I don't if I have just been gassy or if I am actually feeling my babies move. 

Things have been moving along quite uneventfully so far, other than some nagging nausea in the evenings (which I refuse to complain about).  However, this past Sunday and Monday I experienced some pretty uncomfortable cramping very low in my abdomen.  While I didn't have any spotting, I decided to play it safe and call my doctor.  She seemed to think my cramping was a result of a urinary track infection, but after a quick urinalysis yesterday afternoon, we discovered that I don't have any kind of infection.  Doc thinks that perhaps I am experiencing bladder spasms or that my uterus is simply expanding which can cause uncomfortable cramping.  Fortunately, my cramping is pretty much nonexistent today so the doctor doesn't feel the need to see me until my next scheduled appointment...a week from today.  I know I shouldn't worry; it is most likely one of the many growing pains associated with pregnancy.  But I am still worried.  Because that is what I do. 

Due to all of the close monitoring we received during the first trimester, I think I got a little spoiled with all of the frequent, aka reassuring, ultrasounds we had.  Now we have to wait a whole month in between ultrasounds and it feels like an eternity.  Wow I sound like a complainer.  I need to take a deep breath, trust that everything is fine, and enjoy these wonderful miracles.                   

Out Of Body Experience

That's exactly how I feel so far.  Every time someone asks me how I am feeling, comments on my tiny baby bump or shrieks with excitement when they find out I have been blessed with twins, I still can't believe we are discussing little ol me.  I guess that's what infertility does to ones psyche.  Mr. Type B continues to encourage me to enjoy every second of being pregnant, and believe me the invite to eternal pregnancy bliss is quite enticing, but the fear of somehow failing again keeps creeping in.

I know there are several other pregnant infertiles out there, so tell me, will there ever come a time when I'll be bold enough to throw the heartache and trepidation out the window and fully embrace the incredible miracle of life? 

Please don't misinterpret this post as being even the least bit ungrateful; that couldn't be any further from the truth.  I am still in awe over the fact that I have life growing inside of me.  I feel so loved by God, that even after all of this time and all of my doubting, it was part of His plan all along to make me a mother.  Incredible. 

I hope many of you join me on my journey to one of the best blessings this life has to offer.  It is my desire to bring a renewed sense of calm and encouragement to all of you who are still on your journey to that coveted positive pregnancy test (I was that person not too long ago).  And to discuss all of the crazy emotions associated with pregnancy and motherhood with all of you who are in my shoes or are lucky enough to already be cradling a miracle(s) in your arms.